You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.
You must remember when she forgets.
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.
She remembers when you forget.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.
You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
Focus on possibilities and on the compelling future you’re working toward, instead of dwelling on doubts and on an imperfect past.
Focus on growing and expanding instead of fearfully staying in your comfort zone.
Focus on what is right with your life instead of what’s wrong.
When you do that, you’ll give energy to the things you want in your life, which will help manifest them.
Fun little trick I learned in therapy: validation. When someone is upset, don’t try to fix the problem, point out the cause, or tell them it could be worse. Just validate their emotions. Be like, ‘shit yeah man, that sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’m here for you.’ That’s literally all you have to do to make them feel better. Thank you and goodnight.
“People don’t like you, honey, that’s a good sign
Most people don’t know nothing but opinions
Very few find the facts
You keep trying to make them all side with you
You’re gonna waste all your time
Because you can’t get ‘em, shouldn’t want ‘em, don’t need ‘em
So move on, be righteous and relax”— Fiona Apple from an interview with Rolling Stone (via aminaabramovic)
“I struggle with wanting you all the time, so please don’t mistake my silence for indifference. It’s just I have to hold myself back because I feel too much. Too often. Too wildly out of my control.”—Tina Tran, My words don’t say much at all (via 5ft1)